My Life is like eating a fluffy bowl of sweetly buttered popcorn until a kernel gets caught between my TEETH!

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Michigan, United States
Things that are important to me are: God, my family, my children, my husband, adoption of sibling groups, hard to place children, movies, all crafts, painting murals, reading books, photographs, and learning something new.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

My son came home and surprised me , he flew in to Detroit and his girlfriend picked him up from the airport. So happy to see him. He told his dad and I he has been recommended to go to Afghanistan and will know in a month or two. He is very sad about going this time, he put his life on hold before and now he has met a girl and has fallen in love and does not really want to go but says he will do what ever it takes to serve his country. I took pics of them and will post a few. My grandson Weston also came by to visit I took pics of him to, he is so cute! I'll post one too. We sat down and had a nice supper together, it was sheer bliss, it is those little memories that count. We had a great time. Feeling so much better today ....... Work tomorrow.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Day 6

Worked on a family goal today. Today felt better, picked up my grandson Carter who is 5, took him shopping for cowboy boots, ended up with suspenders, jacket, cowboy hat and i will upload a pick for everyone to see how cute he is! He looked so handsome and even posed for me. I think i will attempt to pick up a grandchild every weekend and take them out, weather it be to play a game at grannies or eat, or shop depending on what else i need to do. Ideas are certainly welcome.
Had a very busy day at work and glad it's over, tomorrow off, and work on Sunday. Hoping to spend some time with my daughter on Sunday and go to the movies and see Dear John. We both read the book and enjoyed it I sure hope the movie is as good. Maybe I can invite my mother.

Tired.. ... until .......we meet again

Day 5

Not much new today. I had a busy day at work and am finding it difficult to be the grandmother I would like to be because of my schedule. I think it is very difficult to be a full time working grandmother/mother. This is not something I had to experience before, when the kids where all home and growing up I was a stay at home mom  other than going to college for 9 years. It was a difficult task with so many kids but I ended up graduating with honors. Something I am very proud of. In my job now I work in Detroit, while families of Juvenile offenders. I am helping the families and the youth to change so when they return to their homes it can be a life lasting change and they will not end up in prison. It can be very hard for them and a lot of them feel they are destined to prison life.
Well enough about my job, back to me, today I did real good on the swearing goal, feeling quite lost on my family goals, and feel very loved by hubby, he brought me home a new briefcase for my job, and believe it or not it helps me to feel professional!. LOL
Thanks for the tips on craigslist I found several baby beds. My grand daughter Angel is 14months old, not quite walking yet, I hear. I am very excited to see her have not been able to even hold her yet and anxiously await news from Texas, nope nothing yet....
Anyone have any good ideas to help me balance a schedule, and have more time for my grandchildren and children and parents? if so HELP
I feel like I am sinking!

until we meet again.........

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Day 4

Snow just kept falling and falling and falling last night we had about seven inches total. Everything areound us, schools, senior centers ect where beging to close before the snow even started to fall. It's funny how I do not remember that happening when I grew up. A really great memory that I do have was the Blizzard of 1978. Everything closed for weeks, my dad had to take a snowmobile to the store. As a kid it as very exciting.

Today is better, I seem more focused on the things I want to improve on.  Mabey I am getting use to thinking about it. This does not mean I did a whole ot better. I feel very sucessful at times and other times I feel pretty overwhemed with my thoughts.

Back to life.... I do know why our son lost his daughter, him and his wife became addicted to pain killers, from the accident. We learned through protective services our son was recently kicked out of the Army.

Still waiting for the call from Texas that they have our paperwork they have the fax but they need the original documents for court. I can't wait to hear the words,  "Pugg get a plane ticket you need to pick her up". Getting excited and worried all at the same time. Our youngest is 19 this year and graduating, I have  grandchildren now, Shaylen, Aylah, Ellary, Cash, Chloee, Carter, Corbyn, Angel, Michelle, Jacob, Josie and three more due in June. I love them all so much! They ae so special! I have babyset and they have went camping with me and spend the night but I have not been responsible for a little person for more than 5 days in alot of years. I also have a lot of baby stuff to buy, I found out the baby bed I have will not due because the spindles are too far apart. Boy so much has changes since my kids where born. Who would have thought, you can no longer lay the baby on their stomach this use to be the only way to lay them. Cars seets up to 60lbs WOW my kids wuld ave een in a car seat until they were 10. No blanket in the crib instead you dress them ina heavy sleeper when it is cold. I have alot to do. I have to buy, clothes, bed, high chair, potty chair, diapers, toys, crib sheets..................... lots of things.

Off to make a list, until we meet again

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Day 3 Stressful decision!

Well today I really bombed the stop swearing thing a couple of times I was able to stop myself a few times However, my 18 year old son made fun of me, he started laughing when I hung up the phone and said, that “fracken piggs me off.” He said I was watching Battle star Galatica way too much. Today seemed to be a very hard day on me because I felt so stressed. I worked from home and had a lot to accomplish and to top it off I have a lot of heart felt decisions going on in my life. You see, our son whom we adopted at a young age, grew up got married and had a daughter. In the end of June she was removed from their care and I received the call. Our son quit talking to us because we did not agree with his marriage. He had just returned from Iraq signed his divorce papers at 20years of age and the next day got married again. We did our best to support him however spoke to him about his choices and the reasons for them. He disapproved and told my husband, "You are dead to me." My husband and I were crushed, and hurt. We did not hear from our son again until about 6 months later. His wife called to tell us they were in a terrible car accident and were hit by a drunk driver. She told us our son was life flighted to a hospital but se did not tell us what hospital or where we could reach him or find out his progress. She called later and told us the surgeons told her he was broken up pretty bad and was taken into emergency surgery to repair his leg and arm. Apparently his leg and arm were severely broken in the accident. She did tell us the name of the hospital at that time. We live in Michigan and the Hospital was in Texas. After a lot of research and phone calls between my daughter and we located the hospital. His sister called to see if it was the right hospital and she was transferred to the room where he was. His wife answered the phone and requested we not call him back, she told my daughter he did not want to talk to us, and she was pregnant and did not want to deal with us. We were once again hurt and devastated. I tried to call several times and the staff at h hospital was directed not to talk to us, so being the dutiful mom I left my messages of love and concern. I wanted so badly to go there but financially that was not possible. Months went by, he had his phone number changed and the sadness just kept building.

Then on December 31st, of 09 he called and told me she had the baby, a girl and they named her Angel. I tried to pry and ask why don't you guys call anymore, he did not want to talk anymore. I could tell the strain in his voice. It sounded like he wanted to talk but just could not bring himself to do it. After that, every now and then he would call home. I had his number by then and when I would start calling him, they would change the number this happened several times. He still had not talked to his father, no apology no nothing, his father was stubborn too but did attempt to talk with him, he felt it was awkward because our son would just say yeas or no but not really talk. We still did not have an address however, I was able o get him to tell me he was still in Texas.

In the end of July we got a call from our son because protective services was at his house to remove his daughter from his care, we did not know why. We attempted to get her right way only to find out we needed to be licensed for foster care and had to go through classes and training. It was going to take time. I remember not sleeping well because I was so worried. Our son wanted us to help and was actually talking to us but that did not last very long. We went through the training, licensing and became foster parents once again. (we were previous foster parents that is how we adopted our son) Now we are just waiting for our license to reach the state of Texas and we can go pick her up. The process has taken months and she has bonded with these foster parents this also makes me sad because now I am worried about the trauma of removing her once again to bring her to us. What damage do you think this will do to her? I am older am I going to be able to handle raising another baby? I am a full time worker she will be in daycare for many hours a day. My heart is churning! I do not think I have ever been this confused about anything in my life…………..Please pray for me, Texas will be calling any day. I called my son to talk and he will not return our call.  Their really are so many grandparents raising grandchildren the trainings we went through 90% were grandparents. This is so sad………



My hand hurts, later

Monday, February 8, 2010

Day 2

Today went fine was very busy and managed not to swear once. Did you ever wonder if one could swear politely? If so, how could you carry that out? You could say, Oh sugar, oh bugger, or dag nagget, I am pigged off are a few we can choose from. I think it is much easier to politely tell someone else to stop swearing then to politely swear however, until my need to say swear words subsides these are a few I will choose to use.
Today, I really fumbled up my schedule. Oh well, keeping positive thoughts going,  did you ever notice a schedule book without cancellations? Perfect scheduling for me is like training a puppy, you never know where a mess will occur. My mess occurred between Monday and Friday.  Tomorrow I will be attempting to fix it. The day was so busy not enough time to concentrate on much else. I did manage not to have any bad words with any family members Yahoo! Sometimes this alone can be a challenge. Spoke with an older sister,  after the phone call I felt empowered to make the changes in my life, and she helped me to figure out  I do not need to feel guilty for the choices I make. Talked with my mother who is older and suppose to have all the answers, but she didn't, all she could say to me was, I know I am suppose to have answers for you but not this time...

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Things to change in my life.

I have found a lot of articles and books on how to become a better person however, nothing seems to fit into what i would like to accomplish. By keeping this daily journal on my progress I may gain some new perspective not only from myself, but from others also. I hope I am able to begin to see my areas that need improvement from a third person perspective.
Please, feel free to post, give me tips, and enjoy this life improving journey with me, who knows maybe there will be something in this blog that fits your life too.

The things I want to improve on:
*I would like to eliminate all swearing from my vocab, this one is going to be tough!
*I would like to be a better at scheduling, have more time to spend with family!
*Improve on being the mother, daughter, grandmother, wife, friend and co-worker I would like to be.
*Improve all life and relationships.
*Increase all spirituality and religious knowledge.
*Increase the feelings of love, happiness and empathy in my life.
*Build trusting, lifelong friendships.
*Improve on ability to see things in a positive perspective.
*Help others more often.
*Becoming more satisfied with what i have, realizing what are needs vrs. wants and coming to grips with it, this is going to HURT! I am so guilty about having a lot of wants and knowing the difference and wanting it anyway!
*Building a better savings account.
*Finding the answers to life's mysteries.