My Life is like eating a fluffy bowl of sweetly buttered popcorn until a kernel gets caught between my TEETH!

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Michigan, United States
Things that are important to me are: God, my family, my children, my husband, adoption of sibling groups, hard to place children, movies, all crafts, painting murals, reading books, photographs, and learning something new.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Day 3 Stressful decision!

Well today I really bombed the stop swearing thing a couple of times I was able to stop myself a few times However, my 18 year old son made fun of me, he started laughing when I hung up the phone and said, that “fracken piggs me off.” He said I was watching Battle star Galatica way too much. Today seemed to be a very hard day on me because I felt so stressed. I worked from home and had a lot to accomplish and to top it off I have a lot of heart felt decisions going on in my life. You see, our son whom we adopted at a young age, grew up got married and had a daughter. In the end of June she was removed from their care and I received the call. Our son quit talking to us because we did not agree with his marriage. He had just returned from Iraq signed his divorce papers at 20years of age and the next day got married again. We did our best to support him however spoke to him about his choices and the reasons for them. He disapproved and told my husband, "You are dead to me." My husband and I were crushed, and hurt. We did not hear from our son again until about 6 months later. His wife called to tell us they were in a terrible car accident and were hit by a drunk driver. She told us our son was life flighted to a hospital but se did not tell us what hospital or where we could reach him or find out his progress. She called later and told us the surgeons told her he was broken up pretty bad and was taken into emergency surgery to repair his leg and arm. Apparently his leg and arm were severely broken in the accident. She did tell us the name of the hospital at that time. We live in Michigan and the Hospital was in Texas. After a lot of research and phone calls between my daughter and we located the hospital. His sister called to see if it was the right hospital and she was transferred to the room where he was. His wife answered the phone and requested we not call him back, she told my daughter he did not want to talk to us, and she was pregnant and did not want to deal with us. We were once again hurt and devastated. I tried to call several times and the staff at h hospital was directed not to talk to us, so being the dutiful mom I left my messages of love and concern. I wanted so badly to go there but financially that was not possible. Months went by, he had his phone number changed and the sadness just kept building.

Then on December 31st, of 09 he called and told me she had the baby, a girl and they named her Angel. I tried to pry and ask why don't you guys call anymore, he did not want to talk anymore. I could tell the strain in his voice. It sounded like he wanted to talk but just could not bring himself to do it. After that, every now and then he would call home. I had his number by then and when I would start calling him, they would change the number this happened several times. He still had not talked to his father, no apology no nothing, his father was stubborn too but did attempt to talk with him, he felt it was awkward because our son would just say yeas or no but not really talk. We still did not have an address however, I was able o get him to tell me he was still in Texas.

In the end of July we got a call from our son because protective services was at his house to remove his daughter from his care, we did not know why. We attempted to get her right way only to find out we needed to be licensed for foster care and had to go through classes and training. It was going to take time. I remember not sleeping well because I was so worried. Our son wanted us to help and was actually talking to us but that did not last very long. We went through the training, licensing and became foster parents once again. (we were previous foster parents that is how we adopted our son) Now we are just waiting for our license to reach the state of Texas and we can go pick her up. The process has taken months and she has bonded with these foster parents this also makes me sad because now I am worried about the trauma of removing her once again to bring her to us. What damage do you think this will do to her? I am older am I going to be able to handle raising another baby? I am a full time worker she will be in daycare for many hours a day. My heart is churning! I do not think I have ever been this confused about anything in my life…………..Please pray for me, Texas will be calling any day. I called my son to talk and he will not return our call.  Their really are so many grandparents raising grandchildren the trainings we went through 90% were grandparents. This is so sad………

My hand hurts, later